Love Them Anyway

It’s coming upon holiday season, and I remember as a child this was such a difficult time for me. I feared long breaks! That meant I had no escape. I had to walk through fire, day in and day out–seemingly alone. It was scary. I was hungry. And, there was nothing I could do but face it. 

Some of our students are feeling similar feelings during this time of the year. It’s not a joyful time of celebrating and eating a big meal with their family or receiving gifts that they’ve wanted all year long. That isn’t their reality.

For them, it is fear–fear of lots of things. Many of which they can’t even begin to explain to you. And, the saddest part is–they don’t have any control over what they were born into. It isn’t their fault. That is just their hand of life.

So, what do they do to let you know they are fearful of entering the holiday break?

Easy.

They do anything they can do to get you mad at them.

Why? Because it’s easier to walk away from their “safe-haven” if they are angry. In fact, if we stop to think about it, I’ve found that a child’s logic isn’t that far off from that of our’s, as adults.

Love Them Anyway

Let’s be mindful. Love them anyway. The hate and the hurt they are showing you actually means they need you. Trust me, I’m familiar with this behavior. I didn’t realize why I did that as a kid until I got older, but it worked. Sadly, I see myself doing it even now as an adult. If I feel rejected, unwanted, or hurt, these behaviors surface again. It’s easier to face the darkness alone when you’re angry at those you care about in your “safe place.” It’s, also, easier to believe you’re too flawed to be considered valuable. That is another learned behavior from a traumatic upbringing and is often used to protect the heart. Right, wrong, or indifferent–this is what happens in the minds of some of our learners.

Just know…those you serve might need a little extra this season. The behaviors you see on the outside don’t reflect the REAL inside. Love them anyway. They need it. 

Be the One Who Stays

If you get mad and disconnect, that is what they are used to. Typically in these types of situations, the adults in their life hurt them and/or leave them. However, there is something powerful about the one that stays. The one that says, “I’m right here and not going anywhere. Your behavior isn’t going to cause me to walk away. I’ve got you! I’m right here and will be here when you get back from break. I care about YOU!” The teachers and coaches in my life that called me out and were right there when I got back to pick up my broken pieces and help me find meaning in this thing called life, gave me hope. Be the one who stays. 

To be honest, I don’t know how I did it as a little girl, and I have no idea how our students do it, either. They are SO brave! For REAL…*tears*–they are so BRAVE! When I think back to the little me and how I walked through fire, it blows my mind that I made it out. But, to know you have someone counting on you to come back to school, helps one muster up the courage to push through. It provides purpose. And, I’m convinced THAT is what caused me to escape the cycle and to not become a statistic but rather gave me opportunities to build a new life for myself. Do I have scars? Haunting scars? Definitely. But, do those scars allow me to experience levels of empathy I might not ever have had without those unfortunate experiences? Most definitely.

Don’t be fooled by the behaviors on the outside. As much as we wish we could change the current circumstances of some of our learners, we can’t. But we can stay! We can be a steady support. We can pick up their broken pieces and help put them back together. We can highlight their value. We can change the trajectory of their thinking. We can be the positive influence they remember some forty+ years later. We can love them anyway.

PS Most of you know that I have a huge passion for music. It inspires, uplifts, and consoles me. Have you heard this song? Beautiful. The title of this post was inspired by this song. 

Chris Stapleton, P!nk – “Love Me Anyway” | Live from CMA Awards 2019