Are there really educator bullies?
This weekend, alone, I’ve heard one too many stories of educators bullying other educators or even students. It is the first week of school for many of us in the US. How can this be? Why? Educator Bully should be an oxymoron! But, it isn’t. It’s REAL. There are a lot of hurting people out there that pride themselves in hurting others. And, unfortunately, we are all human and can’t help but allow their words to not only sting our hearts but paralyze us from being our REAL self. I have no idea how to stop this, but I feel the need to share a few of the stories that are troubling my heart and soul.
Educator Bully vs. Colleagues
I kept being pushed away from being my genuine self, dealt with unrealistic criticism, and didn’t hear a positive thing all year. I am not the only person who experienced this. The hurtful comments and actions led to panic attacks and anxiety attacks in her presence—even during my observations. I felt like I was thrown in the pool with a cinder block attached to my feet. I seriously thought about leaving the teaching profession, but I am not a quitter.
– Testimony from an educator friend of mine
That statement was speaking about that teacher’s mentor teacher. For REAL? Is this what our new (or new to the district) teachers have to deal with as they are seeking licensure status or embracing this profession? Why are those types of people in mentoring roles?
How does it get to this point that a young, zealous teacher is ready to give up?
Because words freaking hurt! They haunt individuals for years and years to come. I’m living proof that verbal abuse is as challenging to overcome as physical. I experienced both for years, and the words–they still ring in my head. It never entirely leaves your mind.
If you’re reading this and are guilty of continually hurting others with your words, please get help!! Stop hurting others–especially teachers who are trying to be everything for their students. Sweet mercy, they already give so much of themselves to our servant profession. Pray tell me why you want to tear them down?
Threatened?
Step up your game. Get connected. Find your tribe. Try solving the problem and stop creating more. This is uncalled for and should NEVER be named among educators–EVER! I’m tired of hearing these stories. It’s not like we are in some profession where you fight for the top spot; we are teachers, principals, educators of many roles…who are here to protect kids from bullies–not be named among them.
Educator Bully vs. Student
You’re likely thinking–no way! Oh, but yes way. A couple of years ago, my son entered his school year stoked about joining an elective class he couldn’t wait to be a part of, just to discover this class would change his whole world. Every day he would come home and tell me,
“Mom, will you please get me out of the seventh hour, today? I need to (fill in the blank).”
One day I was dropping him off at school (maybe a month after school began), and I looked over to see tears streaming from his face. He was shaking uncontrollably, and I said, “Kaleb, what’s wrong? Is this because I said I couldn’t get you out of the seventh hour?”
I’m not going to lie, at first, I thought whoever has made my child feel this way is about to deal with a red-headed, mad momma bear, and that friends, is a dangerous combination. The fire within my soul was burning hot, and I was headed into “Wonder Woman mode” quick.
However, I pulled the car over and had him tell me everything. The words he uttered that his teacher had said to him floored me. I thought, even if he is exaggerating a bit, this is his perception of the reality. I had tried to protect my child from such verbal abuse. My husband and I had never spoken to him in such ways. Therefore, I knew this type of interaction from an adult was very new to him. The way this man was making my child feel was utterly uncalled for, and this mommy refused to take it lightly.
Typically, I’d have Kaleb chalk it up to his teacher having a bad day, but a bad month? And, making my child likely need counseling to recover from the verbal damage? This wasn’t just a bad-teacher-day kind of thing.
I knew Kaleb’s teacher was beginning class at that very moment, and I wouldn’t be able to visit with him. I, also, knew I needed to cool off a bit before addressing the issue. So, I went into the front office and made them aware of the fact that I would be picking my son up from seventh-hour, every day until I had a chance to visit with that teacher.
What will you do about it?
I worked for the district office, so I was in an awkward position. However, I refused to let this just slide by, and say “oh, they have been with the district for years and had all of this community support”…blah, blah, blah!
Total side note: If you’re an administrator and you refuse to deal with the bullies in your system, you’re a bystander aka a contributor to the ongoing problem. Isn’t that what we tell the kids? We, as adults, are not exempt from that principle.
Well, it is safe to say, I didn’t sit back and let this “pan out.” I addressed the bully head on. We had a meeting, and I told him how he was making my child feel. I was calm but firm. “My son says you are shouting hurtful statements mixed with profanity at him in class, and he doesn’t know how to handle it. Is this true?”
The teacher went on to tell me of several encounters and said even more than Kaleb had revealed. I could feel my blood boiling again, but I remained cool, and said, “When you speak to him like that it makes him feel the need to cry, and you and I both know crying in class can kill the social life of a high school boy. Then, when you call him weak, because he can’t handle your a–hole statements, he has no choice but to bow down to your negativity.”
The crazy part is the teacher admitted to all of his actions and tried to tell me I wasn’t raising my son to handle the REAL world if I didn’t treat him as such. To which I responded. “So, you’re saying you did all of these things plus even more than what my son told me?” And, he agreed.
Furious inside, I responded with something like, “What will you do to change your interactions with my child? I’m not bowing down to your negativity and refuse to allow this type of interaction with my son to continue. I spent eighteen years of my life dealing with this crap from the people who were supposed to love me. I’m not asking you to love my kid. I’m asking you to respect him as a human! I’m not going to have him removed from your class, because I want him to face you and overcome this fear. So, let’s come up with a plan from here on out. Let’s be super clear, I’m not afraid of you, and you will no longer control him. Also, just for the record, I expect he won’t be treated worse after I leave this room. I got in education to protect and nurture students–and in this case, it’s my kid. Let’s come up with a plan of action.”
As it turns out, several parents had addressed concerns about their students with this teacher. It was absurd what the kids and his colleagues had to say about this teacher’s actions. Friends, THIS, should not be tolerated. Thank heavens, he no longer works in that district and is no longer intimidating those around him–especially not students.
Educator Bully
Let’s place those two terms back where they belong–as an oxymoron. Our students and colleagues deserve it. Don’t be a bystander. Do your part.
Everyone should be allowed to be REAL.
