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I posted this statement in a Twitter chat last week,
Describe a time you had to quiet the critics (be it others or in your own mind) and Cannonball In!
It floored me how many incredibly talented educators responded that they spend a good chunk of time trying to quiet their inner critics–daily. It’s true; we are often our own worst critic.
As educators, we empower everyone we serve to chase their dreams and ignore the haters.
“Push doubt aside.”
“Be YOU!”
“You are enough! Yes, YOU are enough–just the way you are.”
These are phrases we tell our students, and we believe that for them. Yet we can be so cruel to ourselves. Why? Why must we do that? I’m as guilty as the next. I hold myself to ridiculous standards and feel devastated when I don’t reach them–often “speaking” harshly to my heart and mind. While I think this trait of stretching for the seemingly impossible has helped me conqueror fear and crush obstacles that have been stacked against me in this thing called life, I don’t have to be so cruel when I can’t figure it out. I’m human. It’s ok.
I’m a learner. If I can discover the “wrong turn” and straighten it out, I’m good as gold. I’m ok failing at first and learning and trying again and again and again, but my end goal is OWNING the challenge. I refuse to settle for defeat. It’s not in me. However, sometimes, the “wrong turn” isn’t for me to discover and I have no control over it. That’s when I get so frustrated and when my inner critic roars hateful words that cause my eyes to leak. I’m not perfect–yet I strive for perfection–as wild as that sounds.
How many of our students do this?
The educators we serve?
The humans that surround us every single day?
I like the way Kim Bearden says it in her book Talk To Me, “Perfection is boring. Authenticity is what is truly appealing.” (Side Note: Every human needs to read this book.)
In my interpretation, she is telling us to Be REAL.
Relatable
Expose Vulnerability
Approachable
Learning Through Life
Being REAL is awesome. It’s wild. It’s messy. It’s up and down and all around, and that is its beauty.
A few days ago, I had one of those days. It seemed like everything was falling apart and my mind began to feed me negativity–cruel feedback. (PS If you have students who have dealt with abuse as a child, it never leaves their mind permanently. Trauma triggers are a real thing. It’s scientifically proven.) Unfortunately, I allowed this hurtful self-talk to sink in just a tad too long. Having a vivid imagination is a wonderful thing until it’s filled with darkness and painful blows. Then, it’s a dungeon that must be escaped.
For me, I choose writing to calm my inner critic. So, I began working on this song I’ve been writing for quite some time. (Totally random: One day I hope one of my songs is sung by someone famous. #BucketList) This song has hurt, but it’s all about overcoming–slaying fear and being REAL. *If you haven’t already, read Dave’s foreword for Be REAL. Though very different wording/lyrics, its message is similar to the one my song shares.
We really are enough. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. While we might be too much for some and not enough for others, we are JUST right. In fact, while I agree with Kim’s quote above about perfect being boring, I couldn’t help but listen to one of my favorite tough-girl songs by Pink, F***ing Perfect–clean version. In this song, she makes “perfect” sound relative. Maybe perfect isn’t what Webster states in the dictionary. Maybe perfect is decided by the creator.
Consider art. Art is often judged, by the outsider. However, those looking in do not see the work of the creator. They don’t know the long hours, the diligent details that were strategically placed, and they can’t feel how the creator poured their heart into producing their masterpiece. They only see a small portion of the REAL deal. But, the creator–they know. They know every little detail, and they are proud of their creation. It’s unique. It’s different. And, that is precisely what they want. Because they want their work to stand out. It’s their masterpiece.
Maybe we are our own REAL perfection–just the way we are. The Creator’s masterpiece.
What if we are perfect? Perfectly REAL?
This one thing I know–there are enough haters in the world; let’s not hate on ourselves.
no more dwelling on self-doubt, self-hate, self-hurt, etc. Sure those thoughts will enter our mind, but we get to decide if we will allow them to lodge there or if we will cast them away.
Be bold. Be You. Be REAL.
You are perfect to me!
Empower those you serve to do the same–especially our teens. I have such a heavy heart for them today.
Be encouraged by the words of Pink…
Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly lifeMistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss No-Way-It’s-All-Good,
It didn’t slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look, I’m still aroundPretty, pretty, please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than perfect
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing. You’re perfect to meYou’re so mean, so mean when you talk, when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices, change the voices in your head, in your head
Make them like you instead.So complicated,
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It’s enough, I’ve done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I’ve seen you do the same
Oh, ohPretty, pretty, please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than perfect
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing. You’re perfect to meThe whole world’s scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice-cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard
And it’s a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, ’cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that, why do I do that?Yeah! Oh!
Oh, pretty, pretty, prettyPretty, pretty, please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than perfect
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing. You’re perfect to me
You’re perfect, you’re perfect
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing. You’re perfect to me.
Song: F***ing Perfect
Recorded: 2010
Released: December 15, 2010
Studio: Woodshed Recording Malibu, California
Genere: Pop
Label: LaFace, Jive, RCA
Songwriters: Pink, Max Martin, Shellback
Producers: Max Martin, Shellback
I am an educator who values the individuality and uniqueness of others. Writing the blog R.E.A.L. is an outlet for me to pay it forward by sharing ideas, influences, lessons learned and exposing a little vulnerability while encouraging others to maximize their R.E.A.L. potential, as well.